it's the end of may.
and the start of june = 'mugging' for midyears!

yesterday, was a crazy day!
training started at 830am and ended at 5pm or so, due to the rain.
it was an optional training after 1pm, but still, most of the j1 team went back to macritchie after lunch.
rowed k4 and it started to rain soon after.
capped.
got nagged by the canoe federation guy.
bla bla bla.
ran all the way to the bus stop. i was freezing to death on the bus ):
did i mention that I LOVE THIS WEEK? :D
rowed almost everyday, except thursday, thanks to lessons from morning till late afternoon.
how glad was i huh?

anyway, LTC on monday O:
which means, i cant go for training for a freaking 3 days straight!
im sooooo gonna miss seeing my team mates ):
im so gonna miss roooooowing!
that feeling sucks. sucks sucks sucks.
i want to row. row and row and row.
i cant wait for thursday/friday to come.
i'll rush down to macritchie.
I WANT TO ROW!

in addition, im sooooo DEAD!
i barely revise for midyears. barely touch the books.
no no no no no.
i need to get motivated, please!
time to wake up stephanie!
start start start mugging!

i miss hearing your jokes and i really want to hear it again.
i miss seeing your smiles.
im just hoping for the best, praying that you'll smile always.
i want to those memories to come back.
turn back the clock please.

the very first meant everything

nevermind the previous post.

We think too small.
Like the frog at the bottom of the well.
He thinks the sky is only as big as the top of the well.
If he surfaced, he would have an entirely different view.

sometimes, i asked myself if i am doing the right thing.
if i should just be honest about it.
but still, i cant bring myself to even hint her about the disappointment.

i have been trying to force myself to forget about it for the whole day.
however, to no avail ): your image is always swimming in my mind, and it's hard to erase it just like that.
painful yet joyous at the same time. happy memories stayed on, but the painful ones just hurt the most.
im happy that we get the chance to know each other, but i think, it's time to let go.
goodbye.

i have capsized.
with the help of lifejacket, i managed to stay afloat.
and swimming away wont solve any damn problem that i have right now.

i saw chuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! at queensway yesterday. apparently, he saw me with raymond-.-
we were looking for the canoeing jacket. the adidas jacket is looking way gooood O:
ohplease, trying to stay within budget is just sooooo difficult! D:

the thought of you leaving is making me crazy.
please, dont ever leave.
please, please, just stay by my side.

CANOEISTS, looveeeeeeeeeeee :D

(edited)

saved this by chance -.-

(thanks, kelly!)
Have a blast 17th(:

a happy girl for today :D
yes, very happy(:

thank god for everything that he has given me today.
the fun, laughter, happiness, and the following people -nicolette, ken, raymond, keane and adam (:

letting you fly hurts badly

should i believe?
little boy(Brandon): "cece stephanie, you look like a guy from the back."
they say, children are the most innocent creature on earth.
they spoke of the truth and they never lie.
and, i believe.
shocking, but thats the truth. i should be more feminine
kids, i yearn for your innocence.

this week past pretty quickly with quite abit more of 'pissed off' than usual.
with the week past, 2 more weeks to midyears ):

trainings are getting tougher, rowed more than 10k each training.
no point rowing so much if the storkes are wrong.
how i wish jiaolian would just come down to the water and correct us when we row :O
gahh, 1 star course is rather fun (edited) there goes my weekend, no studying ):
and tomorrow is mother's day. goodgame to me.

PI's down, GPP to go.
due on monday yet we are still lying stagnant somewhere.
i want to finish it quick. no time no time :O
talking about school.
that matter hasnt come to any conclusion yet.
they returned us the shirt plus 2bucks refund each.
2bucks, like hello! so, i was rather pissed off .
hometutor found out about the matter and was willing to help us.
supposed to meet up with the teacher-in-charge sooooooon.
gahh, i want at least half price :O


There was once a court case, where two mothers, the biological and step, fought over the custody of a child. The judge asked both mothers to literally fight for the child, so both mothers took one arm of the child each and pulled, and pulled.
Soon the child started to cry, as it was hurting him. Both mothers still insisted on getting the child over to her side, however then, the biological mother started to lose her tight grip.
She loved him so much, she didn't want to hurt him, she couldn't bear to hurt him, she let go.

i am letting go,
letting go, eventhough it hurts so much.
i dont wish to let go, but i have to.
no more talking, laughters, rants, you name it.
but please ...
just tell me. please.

i dont wish for this to end here.
i want the friendship to last for a lifetime.
Here I'd admit, I'm very afraid.
Very, very afraid.

current music - Take A Bow, Rihanna

please, dont ever leave

walking through the bustling city,
watching the cars go by.
everything in life just made me realize how bad of a person i am.
fish, i hate myself.

it was sports carnival yesterday.
pretty alright, but still ...
on a lighter note, t18 way the go :D
there wasnt training cause jiaolian wasnt there, ggrrrr ):

pretty tired after training today.
drained my energy last night with lots of thoughts, couldnt sleep much in the end.
but hello, i'm just 17! why do i have to think so much?
gah, i have to give up that thought. GIVE UP!

mathfa, chemtest coming up. still, i couldnt be bothered to buck up. shit.
if this continues, i'm just gonna stay stagnant.
that's a NO NO. bless me.

gw tuh orang yang paling goblok seluruh dunia.
kenapa gw musti kasih tahu bahwa gw tuh ada sedikit suka sama dia.
goblok goblok, dasar orang gila ngak punya kerjaan.
ngak tahu kenapa, gw langsung kasih tahu dia hari itu. goblok banget deh.
gimana yah, gw tuh perlu dia untuk jadi pillar gw.
untuk ngobrol, marah, etc.
tapi, rasanya ngak bisa deh. gw jadi sungkan ngobrol sama dia.
rasanya dia juga menjahuin diri dari gw.
gw sakit hati, tapi apa boleh buat?
gw musti lupakan dia. musti lupakan ):

impossible is in my dictionary

there is nothing that i can do to salvage anything.
maybe it was my fault, maybe it was theirs.
but still, there is nothing that i can freaking do.
so, i can just forget about the whole thing this friday.
and i will expect 24people coming after me with a chopper each.
conclusion - I'm gonna be so deeaaaddd.

total land training today, and it was games day(:
frisbee was the ultimate power!

went for dinner with some of the canoeists after training.
gah, i love the canoeists :D
but still, i'm sorry for being emo at the end, just cant help it.

i really wish that school is all about training, not studying in a class.
i miss the paeT13. some people in my current class are giving me a hard time.
freak, please. enough of this. i want to move on with life.
i kept telling myself that 'tomorrow will be a better day', but does it even work? or am i just trying to deceive myself.
self pity doesnt work on me. i need the assurance from my class.

pissed, angry, frustrated, sad, felt betrayed, freakshit.
i am not looking forward to friday.

midyears in just 3 weeks time. ohno!